April 2009


668

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Just taking a moment to remind you (on Day 101 of the Obama Administration when one half of the polictal spectrum is screaming to the heavens that the country is dying and falling into a socialist hell while the other half is countering that, hey, lets not pack it in just yet these things take time and EVERYBODY is taking themselves WAY too seriously) that you’ve got to stop and smile and stay posi every once in a while.

And, maybe it won’t work for you, but nothing puts a smile on my face and keeps me posi quite like…

party

PARTY HARD! STAY POSI!!

I love fast food.

There, I said it.

In this day and age of worrying about trans fats, being healthy, Zumba classes, etc it’s not good to love fast food, let alone eat it regularly. I make no apologies for my love of fast food because, it’s just that — FAST! Well, except for that one Wendy’s I sometimes frequent which didn’t seem to get the memo about their station in the food chain, so to speak. “Fast Food quality at Sit Down Restaurant waits!”

So, it is with a certain knowledge of fast food joints I feel I can say Taco Bell is the undoubted king of the land here. All based on the size of the drink they give you with a combo meal.

Seriously.

Well, that and their price vs. quantity of food breakdown.

I went to Taco Bell for lunch recently (see, this didn’t just came to me for no reason whatsoever!) and it dawned on me. At just about anywhere else if you want to get a drink that’s actually bigger than my son’s sippy cup with your combo meal you have to pay almost a DOLLAR more for that right. Now, I know it’s only a dollar (rounding up) but when you’re already paying almost $6 for your lukewarm fries and greaseball with lettuce, that makes for a mighty expensive quick lunch.

At Taco Bell, however, you get quite a bit of bang for your buck. Me? I like to sorta over order so I can have a snack at work should I get hungry later. Lets take a look at my receipt from my recent trip and realize just how much bang I’m getting for my buck to go with my adult-sized drink that came STANDARD with the meal:
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Crunchwrap Supreme (combo with drink and regular taco) – $4.19
Cheesy Double Beef Burrito – $.89
Cheese Roll Up – $.79
Total (after tax) – $6.22
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That’s a hell of a lotta food for less than $7!

Of course, as with any thing food related, the question of taste comes up. Meh. Is it edible? Sure. Is it, say, as good as the steak I had in Manhattan a couple weeks ago?? HELL NO. But that’s not the point! The point of fast food is to give you something edible for an affordable price and, in theory, give you enough for your money so that you’re not going back an hour later starving. The point is to get it to you fast so you can get back to your office, house, wherever quickly so you can get back to work or get back to whatever it is you need to do. The point is NOT to make you go “Oh my GOD this is the best taco/burger/hot dog I’ve EVER HAD!”

And, Taco Bell when you factor in bang for the buck does that.

The fact that they give you an adult-sized drink standard is just the icing on the cake.

Blogs (especially Sports Blogs dontchyaknow) are the vile domain of the gutter. At least that’s how some of the more “old school” people afraid to embrace technology like to paint it.

One year ago today, one of those very “old school” people, went on cable TV and tried to make that very point. And only made an ass out of himself in the process.  Here, compliments of Will Leitch’s Tumblr blog is some video:

And here’s the link to Mr Leitch’s words and thoughts on the matter:Will Leitch remembers his trip to Costas Now.

Swine Flu (or as I like to call it, Captain Tripps) is ALL the rage right now. You can’t go five feet without hearing something about it.  The 24-hour news networks are loving it because it gives them something to talk about (except for Fox; they’re still raging that Obama got elected), Twitter is going nuts with all sorts of panic and misinformation and Sen. Byrd was seen stirring from his slumber. But that was just because one of his nurses rolled him over. He wouldn’t know “Swine Flu” from “Swine Shit” at this point in the game.

As usual, CNN is frothing at the mouth over this. They’ve got it covered wall to wall. Which is monumental in its own right because that means they stopped talking about who has more Twitter followers — them or Ashton Kutcher. Anyway, with a little help from CNN’s Web site I give your their FAQ on what Swine Flu is exactly. After their answers, I’ve contributed my own responses translation to the  questions giving you the REAL TALK. Reading between the lines and giving you the TRUTH that CNN wouldn’t DARE share with you.

So, lets find out a little about the latest superstar potential superflu to send the News Media into full on ‘lets blindly cause a panic’ mode;

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Q Is it still safe to eat pork?

CNN: Yes, pork is safe to eat. You cannot catch swine flu from food, according to U.S. Department of Agriculture scientists. Also, there is no evidence touching raw pork infected with the virus poses a risk, the USDA says. Cooking pork to an internal temperature of 160 degrees kills all viruses.

REAL TALK: BACON CAN KILL YOU! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STAY AWAY FROM PIGS! EVERYBODY PANIC!!!

Q: Is there any type of vaccine that exists for this virus?
CNN: There is no vaccine that has been developed specifically for this virus.

REAL TALK: Ever read “The Stand?” Yeah, it’s kinda gonna be like that. Only without Rob Lowe and the really dumb guy from ‘Coach.’

Q: Different news sources have conflicting information about the number of countries affected so far. How many countries have been affected by this outbreak?
CNN: By midday Tuesday, the World Health Organization had confirmed cases in Mexico, the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Spain and New Zealand. The Israeli health ministry is reporting two cases.

REAL TALK: We really have no freakin idea! We’re just making this shiat up as we go really.

Q: I am traveling to Mexico. Are there any precautions that we should take to protect ourselves?
CNN:
At this time, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that U.S. travelers avoid all nonessential travel to Mexico. Changes to this recommendation will be posted on the CDC Web site .

If you must travel to an area that has reported cases of swine flu, the CDC recommends anyone at high risk of severe illness from influenza –people with chronic conditions such as diabetes, lung disease, heart disease and the elderly — are urged to take prescription antiviral medications — Tamiflu or Relenza — for prevention of swine influenza during travel. Practice healthy hygiene, such as washing your hands often with soap and water, using hand sanitizers with at least 60 percent alcohol, and avoid close contact with sick people, to help stop the spread of swine flu.

REAL TALK: Don’t go to Mexico. Ever. Unless you’re going to Tijuana. And, if you’re going to Tijuana right now it’s ESPECIALLY important you avoid the prostitues. They may have had bacon for breakfast and now have another weapon in their arsenal that can kill you (along with knives, guns, the HIV.) And, for the love of God, don’t drink the water or eat the worm.

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For the record, as of press time, all efforts to reach Randall Flagg for a comment have proven futile. If you know how to succesfully contact him (or if you just have comments) e-mail us: realtalkliveblog@gmail.com

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