fonzie_jumps_the_sharkI realize that saying something has “jumped the shark” has, in fact, jumped the shark. But it’s still a fairly fitting way to describe what is going on with the Guitar Hero franchise.

Releasing a new game for your signature series every year isn’t that bad.  Just dig up some awesome songs we haven’t had yet, don’t double up with things that the Rock Band series has already given gamers or are giving gamers on a new game and add a new wrinkle here or there to keep us interested beyond just playing the songs. Pretty simple formula really.

But, alas, money is involved. And the makers of Guitar hero apparently LOVE to milk their property for every last dime they possibly can.

Today Activision made it official that they will release a “Guitar Hero: Van Halen” in the latest “single band only that’s not really single band only” offering from the company. First of all, that’s an aggravating tendency they have; putting bands that AREN’T Aerosmith, Metallica and Van Halen on the games NAMED after their band. What purpose does that serve? And, better yet, why do the bands the games are named after AGREE to it? Do you think for a second that their will be ANYBODY besides The Beatles on Rock Bands Beatles edition dropping this September? Um. No. And, if youthink otherwise you’re a fool. But, ok, that’s just a minor personal complaint. I guess if they want to expose bands that are big fans of the bands in question to an audience that might not otherwise hear these bands that’s fine. I won’t get into theories about it being all about Record Labels paying Activision to get their Product into the game. I’ll just leave it as is and let it be.

However, the news that broke with the GH Van Halen announcement LITERALLY made me throw up a facepalm;

The beat goes on for Guitar Hero and its musical cousins. Activision today announced its scheduled music game releases for the rest of 2009. Due in the second half of 2009 is Guitar Hero Van Halen. And coming this fall are Guitar Hero 5, DJ Hero and Band Hero.

Guitar Hero 5 carries on the $1 billion-and-rocking franchise with new features that let players drop in and out of performances — and change instruments and difficulty levels — without re-starting songs.

DJ Hero, with its turntable controller, promises a variety of musical genres including hip-hop, R&B, Motown, electronica and dance.

Band Hero is the publisher’s first E10+-rated console game — the previous games have been rated “T” as suitable for Teens 13-up — has a collection of Top 40 hits that aims to bring full band play (guitar, bass, microphone and drums) to families.

Uhhhhhh…..what?
dumbfoundedI mean, how do I even respond to that? Where do I even start?? DJ FRIGGIN HERO!?!?!  There’s already a DJ Hero…it’s called PRO TOOLS!

BAND FRIGGIN HERO!??! I thought we already had that with the move towards full band gaming (therefore negating the effectiveness of the Guitar Hero name) on GH World Tour?? What?? Oh this is a more kid friendly rated game?? Oh. Great. I see a future where waves of hipsters being ironic (while never ADMITTING they’re being Ironic of course) trying to five star Mily Cyrus songs on Expert. Woo. Hoo. That’ll be great….

Screw it, i’m just going to stick to the Call of Duty series and call it a day.

Just as long as Treyarch isn’t doing it i’m fine.

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